How much can one take?

Have you ever experienced the feeling where nobody really likes you? Nobody can be bothered with you or even ask how you are?

Recently Ive been arguing frequently with someone who I really love and care about. Being with them for nearly 4 years can clearly show how intimate and passionate our relationship is. Now it feels like even he dont really love me. Everyone at home dont really like me either, they think I'm just a waste of space. It doesnt help knowing that they think your stupid and good for nothing. It really hurts at times and gets too much and theres only so much that a person can take.

Im going for Umrah soon and he knows about it. This is the one thing that really gets him emotional. Im leaving him for a month and we wont really have contact while Im gone. I dont really know how Im going to cope let alone him. This is one of the reasons for why weve been arguing recently. He thinks that I wont miss him and I dont care about him when I do. Its just a dream of mine and I really wanted to fulfil it and when the opportunity came I took it. I cant really talk about this with him as he gets emotional so its best to leave it out and not talk about it. I really wish I could talk about it with him though. Maybe it would make him realise the impact its had on me. How much this has hurt me knowing that its my fault that hes feeling like this. I hate not being able to talk anyone about it and just keeping it inside of me. I just wish someone would understand my point of view and how hard its been on me. I cant really talk about it at home now can I? Nobody even knows about us yet. I feel so alone and hurt.